so i kind of went back into hiding. things are so unsure and ever changing that i havent known what to say. i have spent a lot of my free time reading lately. my lovely therapist, kate, at higher ground services, asks me how i am coping with things and one thing i do is read.
i have a problem with worrying. i have been so worried about things lately mostly things that are completely out of my control. so i spent the rainy weekend reading as much as i could. i read about amazing women who overcame amazing obsticles. it inspired me but also kept me from dwelling on the things i could not change. with the chaos of our life working has been very difficult. who wants to hire someone that may or may not be in jail next week and how do i find a job if i dont know anyone and dont know if my husband will be here to help watch the children. so needless to say finances are very tight. so i worried all weekend that the money we were expecting to pay the rent today would not come. i was so worried that in my head i was aleady packing our stuff and figuring out what we would do next. of course for anyone who knows me i am a planner. always anticipating the future and what should be done next. it some cases it comes in handy in this circumstance it does not.
worrying not only is exhausting but it makes me have very little patience. how dare somone ask me again to help them go potty for what seems like the hundredth time this hour. what is that child drinking anyway and of course anna would have diareah this weekend and why do all the neighborhood children want to spend their time at our house? dont they know that i have so much worrying left to do today that i dont have time for any of this?
so losing myself in a book is how i escape the pressure of life instead of turning to drugs or alcohol. and of course all that time and energy was wasted because the money came and it was such an unbelievable joy to pay the rent today.
No comments:
Post a Comment